It's been fun...

I've had a lot of fun going back and forth with Alla, even though "she" seems to have never read an email or opened any of my attachments.

I'm going to call it quits and I do hope that you got a chuckle out of something during this experiment.  :)

Till my next adventure... thanks for tuning in!

Alla says Fooey to your Sabantuy!

Ok - this email cracked me up from the beginning to finish.  I wonder if I should tell her I'm not from this planet?

Hello my love Jason!

Now I have again felt your gentle love to me. Now, having opened my mail, I have felt at once inflow of your love in my heart. After all our hearts are intended for each other, our love is mutual, our feelings the warmest, sincere. Every day, each hour and minutes pass. But our love never will go out. My days do not go further without thoughts on you. And only when I think of you, to me becomes so easily on heart. Only my love, my feelings to you give me values to live further. To live, to be happy with you. If there was no you on this planet I would not be such happy. Would not be such joyful as now. On mine face there would be no this smile.
And here, after perusal of your letter to me again on heart so it is easy. Because I feel your love to me. My sweet, my darling, gentle Jason, I love you! And I am ready to cry for the whole world as I am strongly love you. And let all know, what at us with you strong love. Now one good thought has come to my head. You wish to know what?

When we will be together we could write with you the novel, devoted to ours with you of love. How two loving hearts struggled for the happiness, being on distance. About that they have gone through as have passed this long way. And still, having overcome this huge distance, their love to each other on has many times got stronger. Distance which faced to these people, has on the contrary helped to fix them real love. My sweet love, we could write this novel together. What do you think of it? You like my idea? I would like to know your opinion. After all I wish to divide all with you. And I will always consult on you, that the nobility your thoughts.

My love Jason, you very strongly do not suffice me, your caress, yours strong embraces, your sweet kisses. In the evenings to me it becomes sad, lonely. But drops of teardrops on my eyes help me to struggle with melancholy. Thoughts on you always in my head!! I simply should think of you. After all my heart tests to you such huge love! Sometimes it is possible to think, that from such strong love it is possible to burn. But it never will go out. My love to you always will be same strong as now. I love you!! And I can once tell these three gentle and sensual words, being close to you and looking in your shining eyes. I miss on you, my beloved. But
I will wait for your letter.

You love Alla.

 
So - she wants to write a book.. hmm...

I will give this some thought and respond back later tonight.

All in all - it has been a crazy weekend of back and forth emailing.  I wanted to post as it was happening, but unfortunately I had no power this weekend.

Oh well - now you're caught up!  :)

The Sabantuy Response

My lovely Alla,

Thank you for your email. It brightens my day and sharpens my wit.

Sabantuy sounds like a wonderful celebration!  The pictures you
attached look like you had a great time, well like you said - as good of a time as possible without me!

I would like very much to participate in these celebrations and perhaps match play sometime in the future.  I am not saying that I would fair well, but they don't call me "Mad Dog" for nothing!

I'm glad that your family approves of our long distance relationship. I've also told my family and friends about you!  They sit on the edge of their seat waiting for my next update - no really, they do!

You make me feel so special, my princess, like a shiny dime found next to a smelly dumpster in a busy city.  The homeless person sitting next to the dumpster doesn't have near the glow that you give to me with each letter.

I may have to write you another song!  Did you listen to the first one?  Did you love it? Or, shall I make you more art work?  Did you love "Heart On Love"?  Did you frame it?  You should give your Uncle a copy!

You make me want to be a better man, Alla...

You are my sweet Russian flower, like a Rose but better... More like the king of the flower kingdom, the Dandelion!

Well - I should go, but have no fear, I'll be back and in my Superman boxer / briefs  in no time!  That's a joke my love - Superman is a wussy compared to Spider-Man...

Lots of love from above,

Jason

The Sabantuy email from Alla

She responded very quickly and decided to tell me about the holiday that she mentioned in the previous email.

Hello my loved Jason!!

Today a weekend, my love. Today at me good mood, as today at us in a city a holiday of our people. This holiday is called Sabantuy. My love, this holiday is celebrated for a long time. During its ancient times celebrated only the Tatar people, but now this holiday celebrate as practically across all Russia. The holiday is devoted the termination of crops of agricultural crops. This very cheerful action: during this holiday competitions on the Tatar struggle are held is a struggle is very similar to the Greek-Roman struggle, but nevertheless it has the differences. The winner of these competitions receives in the award of a ram. As horse jumps are spent. This kind of competitions is very popular in our people. In general, this day all people have a rest from work, spend much time with the family, meet families of the friends.

This day at us as all family has gathered, to us there have arrived my uncles and aunts, cousins and sisters, friends to our family. Even my old grandmother, despite the age, has arrived to spend this time together with us. I was very glad to that today all of us were together. Only you did not suffice nearby, my love Jason! I very much would want, that you were today with me. You could get acquainted with all my relatives, friends, girlfriends. I think, that all of them would like you, because all of them very good and benevolent people. And so, today since morning till a dinner we sat all our big family at a beautiful celebratory table, we talked much, discussed various themes. My uncle to whom 62 years, asked me when I will marry. And when I have started to tell about you all have started me to listen attentively. I have told all about you, my sweet prince! I have told what you the good and careful man. Anybody was confused at all with that we with you correspond through the Internet. All my relatives and friends were glad to that I have found the love. And after that all at once have drunk for that at you and at me all was good that we have created a happy family soon. I was very glad to that all my relatives have approved you, my love. Then we all family have gone on Sabantuy which was celebrated in a grove in the country. There it was very cheerful, there were various concerts, all sang songs, danced. But among all this fun, me it was boring without you.

I very much want, that we were faster together, my love. I wish to get acquainted with all your family, with all your friends. I wish to be every day near to you, my love. I very much do not have your love and caress! I love you very strongly!!! Write me more likely the letter, tell to me about the weekend. I will wait your long-awaited answer.

Your love Alla.

I did a quick Wikipedia search and found that this was a real festival.  Wikipedia explained it to me much better than Alla did. This does fit with what she told me in this post.

She attached the following pictures, which I was hoping to have the metadata tell me that they were not from this year, but unfortunately they seem to be missing that data.  They are taken with the same camera as many of the previous pics.

Alla's Wedding Reply

No mention of the wedding plans, but she's really declaring her love for me... ah, who can blame her...

Hello my love Jason!!!

I am glad to receive your letter. For me this biggest happiness, for me is a holiday in usual week-day. For me your letter very many means in my life because I cannot contact you in any way more. And I wish to receive your letter always. My love, I so is glad, that the destiny has reduced us with you. You for me the most desired man in this world. On the earth there is no such person as you more. Even in all installed not to find the man who could replace to me you. Such man simply does not exist also it will be never!! Only you for me everything, than I value. You all valuable, that at me are!! And I am ready to give you all that I have for your love. I am ready to give you all heart, all soul, all body. My love, take everything, but only do not leave me never and give me the love and caress. I wish to be only with you, my sweet prince Jason!! You are an ideal of the man for me!! When we will be together, I will be always near to you, I will always help you in all. I love you!!! Write me more likely the letter. I wish to see your answer.

Your sweet love Alla.

There were pictures attached, but they didn't come through with the email, and it looked like the reply was copied and pasted from Word because it had a bunch of the characters that come in from a copy such as that.  I thought I would give a quick reply, so I just sent her this in response.

I sometimes miss you always, and stuff.

Love Jason

The "picture this" Wedding Response

I really don't have to set this one up ...

The love, the light, my dear Alla,

I had a wonderful day today.  I woke early to get in my morning workout and as I worked through the first set of jumping jacks I thought of you.  I thought of your beautiful hair as I worked through a torturous set of leg lunges and your beautiful smile kept me going when I wanted to quit after only three deep knee squat thrusters.

I jumped in my vehicle, checked my looked in the mirror, and sped out of the driveway.  As I turned the radio up, a song came on that summed up my feelings for you.  A song so strong that my emotions nearly poured out into the ashtray.... would you like to know the title of the song that caused such an emotional oil spill?

The song was by an artist I'm sure that you've heard of... his name is Billy Ray Cyrus.  The song - "Achy Breaky Heart".  It's now "our" song Alla.  It's the song that I would like played at our wedding, along with other wedding dance song favorites like "Hit The Road, Jack" and the Marcy's Playground marriage anthem "Sex and Candy".

I picture myself holding you in my strong arms as we get freak nasty on the dance floor and we become one as I put my hand upon your hip, I dip, you dip, we dip.  You then put your hand upon my hip, when you dip, I dip, we dip.  We then rinse and repeat until the break of dawn, shorty got it going on!

I'm not sure about you, but I'd love a large wedding in a very small church.  I'm thinking that the invite list should be several thousand guests.  The majority of them would not fit in the church to view the ceremony, however we can webcast the event and perhaps even work out a pay-per-view deal if we play our cards right.  And as the ceremony finished, we would walk outside and all the guests would form a near-world record cha-cha line and we'd dance off to our limo parked several miles away.

Our wedding night would be heavenly.  We should definitely plan it so that we get married during the NHL playoff season, that way we'll have something to do after the wedding ceremony.  I'll get some cheese corn and we can watch hockey and who knows what else might happen... maybe we'll throw caution to the wind and order in some Dominos... oh hell Alla - we could be this wild!!

Oh listen to me...I'm telling you - this is how emotional you make me! 

Well - I should go calm down a bit.  Just writing you has caused a stir in me that only a bathroom break can relieve.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Alla... until next time.

My love is all yours...

Jason

She's Getting A Bit Demanding...

Yup - quick response back to my email, of course no mention of my teleportation ideas or my beautiful boat! Instead, she continues telling me the same thing in each message.  I'm her "angel", her "prince", her artist formerly known as Prince.  Oh why must I be so damn lovable?  It's a curse I tell ya...

Hello my love Jason.

I so am glad, that you have written me the letter. I waited for it very long. And now, when it is in my mail box, I feel the happiest woman. I really very much rejoice, when I receive your letters my prince. After all each your letter is as if a drink of fresh air for me, it as if a warm beam of the sun which warms me in cold weather, it as if wings for the bird who have remained without the blue sky.

My angel, your letter is all for me now as we cannot communicate in any way with each other at present any more. But nevertheless the most important place in my life is occupied not with your letters, namely you. You have brought a lot of happiness, a considerable quantity of bright paints from which this world seems to me is better in my life. In this world so it is a lot of afflictions and I am grateful to you that you do my life better.

With each last day I understand that I become happier. This happiness is given to me by you, my prince Jason. And every portion happiness I receive only with your letter. So write to me more often my love. Write me each time when you have a possibility to make it. If you know, that in a current of several days, you cannot write to me tell to me about it that I did not worry in vain for you. Well my loved?
I hope, that soon you receive my letter and will write to me. Now I with the big impatience will wait your answer. I love you!!

Your love Alla.

"If you know, that in a current of several days, you cannot write me to tell me about it that I did not worry in vain for you"  - really?  OH no she didn't!?!?!  //picture my head moving back and forth and me doing a great triple snap //

Well - I probably should write her soon... or as soon as I feel like it.  LOL!

I think I actually might just respond back with a header and a footer and the in between part being an Amazon.com review of some sort... seriously, she/he/it wouldn't notice.

"L" Bombs Away!