Getting to the "L" Word...

Alla responded back - very quickly this time.... and dropped the "L" bomb!!!

What's a guy to do?

Hello my loved Jason.

I so to see glad again your letter. I wish to tell to you, that your letters have started to take the big place in my life. It has entered into my mode, that every day I write you the letter. And it is pleasant to me. It seems to me, that I cannot live without it any more. With each your letter I feel heat and ease in my heart. I become joyful each time when I open the an electronic mail box because I know, that I will find there your letter.

At us it is cold, especially in the mornings and to evenings. And in such cold I would like to nestle on you that you have warmed me the heat that you have embraced me strong. I feel, that I cannot think of anybody the friend except you. But now after everything, that I to you have told, I wish to admit to you. I love you...
I was afraid to tell to you it as I thought a little, that you will not trust me after that will refuse me. Probably, I the silly girl if I so have thought. After all I know, that you very good person and you never afflict me. But nevertheless I wish to tell to you, that if you do not have such feelings to me what I have to you you should tell to me about it at once. I do not want, that there was a lie. I think, that all should be truthful and fair. If you do not love me, I will understand it. I will not begin to insist on what. Certainly, it will be for me the big pain and loss, but nevertheless I will understand you in it.

You should know, that now I have a man whom I love all heart, all soul. I am ready on all for the sake of this man. This man you, my love Jason. I cannot live more than any day without you and without your letter. Write to me more likely, to me it is very important. I will wait your letter with the big impatience.

With love, your Alla.

She attached a picture that she had sent before (what's with this recycling thing - I'm going to attach the Peanut Butter jar again) and a couple of new ones.

Ok - so I'm totally going to call her out on the "I love you" statement in my reply.  I'm going to ask how she could know this when all she really knows is that I have a love for Peanut Butter, and an fear of Marshmallow tables.

I think I'm also going to say that I could never fall in love with a "tree hugger" type... and maybe see if I can go down that route and see where it takes me.

I'm sure that she / he won't read any of it and will likely just keep pushing that they need to be with me and then eventually we'll get to the part where they ask for some money.

Or maybe she's just a real girl who wants to have sweet nothings whispered in her ear, sang to when she wakes up and have horrific drawings done with Microsoft Paint in her honor.  LOL!

Something about this is making me start to feel a little Van Gogh'ish...

Oh well - nonetheless - I will make her wait.  Yes - because I am playing hard to get, and that's just how I roll!  :)

Next response : Ahh the flames of love!

I figured that rather than mentioning a trip to Russia, I could tell her that I've been there with her - in a dream.  Of course, my dreams are pretty vivid and a touch animated!

Hope you enjoy...

Beautiful Alla,

I hope this letter finds you well, with the sun in your eye and the winds playing with your hair.

I am very good today, thank you so much for asking.  I awoke this morning with much energy due to the dreams of the night that were filled with visions of you.

Let me tell you a little bit about the dreams.  The first dream had me visiting you in your hometown.  I arrived in your country, and took a limousine to your place.  I didn't have any money in the dream, so you covered the cost of the travel for me.  I looked into your eyes with my good eye and could tell that there was a spark of emotion that would burn out of control.

You invited me in and had prepared a meal of your local favorites, spaghetti and meatballs, fettuccine alfredo, pizza, all the best.  The table was set for two, flowers in the middle and candles set but not lit.  It struck me odd at first, but then I noticed that the table was made of marshmallow, and then I completely understood.

We stared lovingly across the mallow table at each other, I admired your beauty and you were obviously taken back by the strength of color in my good eye.  As we both looked longingly at each other we flirted with glances and the occasional toss of a dinner roll.  Oh Alla... it was heaven.  It was perfect, until that same spark that was felt outside of your house earlier in the dream, started the table on fire.  This is where the dream went really bad, the table roasted in seconds, all of the food falling to the floor, the smell of childhood campfires filled the room and melted marshmallow surrounded our feet.  We could not move, the mallow seemed to over take us like quicksand, and we both died.  It was very horrible.

The second dream was very pleasant!  I won't bore you with the details.

I wish to continue writing my thoughts and dreams to you, but my time on the internet has come to an end.  I've suddenly got a craving for smores!  I must walk away at a rapid pace, just slow of running.

Until next time Alla,

Yours indubitably,

Jason

For laughs / good measure I attached the following pics....

Yup - it's the Golden Gate bridge... I thought it was a cool pic, she might too!  LOL.

A mallow similar to the one in my dream, but the one in the dream was a bit larger.

No seriously - I did not have a dream about a flaming marshmallow table - geez... don't fall into the trap, I'm not THAT crazy folks... I just have a good (read: sometimes twisted) imagination!

Alla Replies... but she's still not saying much...

No mention of the Lorem Ipsum holder text, the Indiana Jones picture or anything...

Hello dear Jason.

How are you today? I hope, that your day was good. I very much wish to be with you and I dream that our happiness would be always with us. I wait every day your letter as a beam of the sun in the morning. I wish to speak with you about the most personal. You has what or secrets? I want, that you have told to me about it fairly. I do not know why, but I want, that between us there were no secrets and all only was sincere. And I write you all sincerely. All that I think. Because I know that it remains only between us. If it is fair, you for me even became closer than my girlfriend. I can tell to you of that I do not speak to mum or the grandmother. We know each other not so long, but I trust you.

My mum, the grandmother, girlfriends know that we communicate. They say to me, that I have very much changed after have got acquainted with you. I became more more cheerful, such feeling, that my life completely has changed. And it you have changed my life, you bore in it of more pleasure and happiness. And I am grateful to you for it. I do not know, that happens in the future, but I know that it to the best. I feel how my heart knocks more strongly as I want that you have embraced me. I dream of were with you at least some seconds. But I do not know, how to me to make it. If I had wings I would depart to you through the seas and the countries...

I never met such men as you. The same man, as well as all the others would Seem, that you, but in you there is that what is not present in the others. You have changed my life. I feel, that I am fascinated by you. But I feel a little uncertainly. I think, that this uncertainty soon will pass. What do you feel? Tell to me it. In your life have happened what or changes after you have got acquainted with me? It is very important for me. I wait your letter with the big impatience. I hope, that soon you will write me it.

Your Alla.

Below are the next round of pictures.

I have to admit that I'm surprised that she's not asking for money yet.  I've read on other blogs, that did a similar thing and documented the communication back and forth, that the person has started asking for money for a visit after about the third message.

I've done extensive searching on Google and other places to see if any of the pictures that she had sent me have been used before in other scams, no luck there.  I've searched for her email address, no luck there.  Searched for scammers claiming to be from her country, no luck.

So - the people that are doing this must be changing up the content frequently....

Hmm... we've found that they don't read my emails, don't look at the pictures attached, don't appreciate fine art - LOL, and don't care if I even attach an MP3 file!

Where do we go from here....

I think in my next response I'm going to toss out the option of me coming to visit her in Russia....

Any other suggestions?

Patience? Bah - forget that!

I'm pretty bored, so I decided to email Alla and find out why she hasn't written me back.  If what I think is true, it's because she is actually a male, living in the States and most likely celebrating Memorial Day.  LOL.

Enjoy!

Dearest Alla,

I hope this message finds you well. 

I have not heard from you, and I worry that you've found another.

Could it be that the song was just too passionate for you?  The art work too intense?  Or is it my love of Peanut Butter that has driven you into the arms of another man?

Oh Alla, if I had a razor blade and could afford the postage, I'd cut off my ear lobe and send it to you to show you that you are my muse.  Without you, I'm... oh, let's not think about that...

Hopefully you're just busy.  It's Memorial Day weekend here in the States... so I wouldn't think that you would be busy because of that, or do they celebrate that in Russia as well? 

Oh such a twist of fate topped with chocolate sauce this has become.

I'll wait patiently Alla... for at least a couple hours.

I hope to hear from you, and see your beautiful pictures....

Sinfully yours until you find someone else,

Jason

The next response... with a touch of canned text

I didn't want to spend too much time on this reply, since it's obvious that nobody is reading them, well - I mean other than all of us... which is why I did put a bit of effort.  :)

I think you'll like that I pulled some things from her last message, I even included some "Lorem Ipsum" placeholder text.  LOL.

My lovely Alla,

I hope this message finds you healthy, happy and honest.

It sounds like you had a beautiful day!  I often wish I could sigh a full breast, but alas, nothing.  Pollution is very bad around my city, smog fills the air and smoke from the local bakery.  Currently it's very hot and smoggy, and smokey.

Thank you for answering your own questions, it pleases me greatly to know that you are so sincere, so honest, trustworthy and willing to cook.

It is also great to hear that you will love me, no matter what.  It makes me smile, no really... I'm smiling!

I loved your answers Alla.  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec auctor velit non lacus ullamcorper gravida. Ut pharetra eleifend odio non aliquet. Donec quis est dui, vel tincidunt lectus. Quisque id nibh diam. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. In quam odio, imperdiet sit amet gravida quis, consectetur suscipit lacus. Donec non euismod diam.

You said you wanted a family, how many children do you want?  I have three and if you wanted four or five, I could get started on the others right away...

Your pictures are great!  You are very beautiful.  Please send more, they make me happy in pants.

I will wait to hear from you with battered breath...

Your superstitiously,

Jason

I used the "happy in pants" line which is my favorite line from "Not Another Teen Movie"

I attached two of the sample nature pictures that come with Windows XP, and a photo of Indiana Jones.  :)

Let's see how quickly we hear back...

No mention of the song?!?!? Son of a....

Alla responded very quickly to the last message.  This one is completely a canned email as it basically says, "hey, hosehead, I don't care what you responded to my last email... here are MY answers to the questions I asked you... see - we're totally vibing with each other!"

Hello dear Jason.

Today it was valid me very well. I have woken up early in the morning. When I left on street, I have sighed a full breast. Air was fresh and pure. The wind softly blew to me in the face. Certainly, the wind was cool, but nevertheless it was pleasant to me. What at you now weather? What you did today?

Now I wish to tell to you about those questions, which I to you the strutter. I want, that between us there was a justice and therefore, I will answer you the same questions.

1. On this question I think, that when I have received your letter, I was very happy. In my heart, that that has occurred. I was really very happy to it.

2. For the person whom I will love I it is ready to make all: I will cook to its the most tasty food, I will care of its things, I will always support the loved person a difficult minute. It is for me especial. But nevertheless the main thing it that I WILL LOVE IT.

3. I very much wish to create a family. It is very valuable to me. After the family in every human life - is the most important thing. For the sake of the family the person can make everything.

4. I will store a photo of loved person always at the heart. It shows female fidelity. It is love.

5. My love will not have any borders. This feeling when the person to be in embraces of the loved. I will give all for the love.

6. For the sake of love I am ready on all. I am ready to make any feat. I am ready to love the man till the end of the life and to give it everything, that from me it is required and that in my forces. It is my life and I wish to divide it only with what I will love.

My dear Jason, I hope, that you liked my answers. These are my sincere thoughts, and I am always glad to say you that I think. We with you never saw each other, but I feel that I can open all my thoughts to you, tell about what could not speak with mum and with the best girlfriend. You the especial person, and I are very glad to that could find you in this world. Now is the time to finish my letter because my time in Internet cafe have already finished. I with the big impatience will wait tomorrow again to come and write to you.

Your Alla.

Well - at least she's MY Alla... I would hate to imagine that she was having a similar / exact conversation with someone / several hundred other people....  I can't stand cheaters!

I'm going to have to think about where to go from here...  I could probably get away with sending her a blank email... and she'd probably respond saying something like "email your especial long time lonely baba blippity boo bah. Internet cafe have finished with a big impatience, I rejoice in your world."

Wow - I think I'm starting to talk like her...

Of course there are more pics... you didn't think she'd forget them, did you?

Response in a horrible song... no really

Let me start this post by saying that I don't play the guitar...

What better reason to respond to Alla than in a song, right?

I mean, doesn't every girl want a tune written about her?  Heck - I know I would feel better if Rob Thomas wrote a song about me... 

Ok - so I'm sure that nobody wants a song that mentions Peanut Butter... and of course this one does!!

Below is the email I sent to her.

My lovely Alla,

How have you been dearest?  I apologize for the time since my last email... you must be starving to hear from me!  I'm famished myself... let me get a snack, I'll be back.

I'm back Alla...  I told you I was a comedian... do you really think that I left the computer?  I did actually, but it was just to use the restroom, I didn't get anything to eat.  Although I am craving some peanut butter...  but I'm always craving that!

I definitely feel like we are getting closer and closer with each letter. 

I completely understand what you mean about the "being in a different world" thing.  When I write you, I am in a different world.  A world with unicorns and rainbows, where it is sunny all day and the skies are blue.  There is no rain in this world, so crop growth is down this year, I'm not sure what we're going to do about that, but one crisis at a time, Alla.

I find myself thinking about you all the time.  I went to play some music tonight and I found that there were no songs that could capture the feelings in my heart for you and what you mean to me, so I wrote you a song.  It mentions things we've talked about in our correspondence, and I think it takes us to the next level in our relationship.  Oh Alla, I hope you enjoy it, it would crush me if you didn't... I worked on this for several hours. I've got blisters on me fingers!

I will answer your questions one by one.

1. What have you felt, when have received my first letter? I felt hopeful... I felt butterflies, I wondered why such a beautiful girl was interested in emailing me.

2. How do you view women, if you are going to love her? From behind.  HA!  I got you again Alla, that's my Canadian / American sense of humor coming out!  I always have the utmost respect for ladies of the world.  I've really only been in love once.

3. Whether you wish to create the family? I'm not sure on this one yet.  Did I mention that I have children?  Ok - so I have two secrets... the second is that I already have three children, by three different ladies. Don't worry - I wasn't in love with any of them.

4. If your beloved woman will give you my photo, then where will you store it? I always appreciate the beauty of a lady, your photos are stored in a very secure place, in my heart.  

5. What for you means a word "love"? It means being one of the lucky few to find someone that will tolerate you.  They don't care about my quirks, my freakishly large eyeballs, my three children, my debt, and they love me for who I am.

6. What actions are you willing to do for love and for the sake of the loved woman?  This is a tricky question.  I'm pretty selfish and I have three kids to worry about, so although I'd do quite a bit for love, I really wouldn't do that much.

I must go Alla, I have to pick up a friend and drive them to their AA meeting (they're drunk again...)

I hope to hear from you soon, and hope that you enjoy the song.

Sleeplessly yours,

Jason

Here is the link to the song. (Right click and choose "Save Target As" or "Save Link As")

Lyrics
------
You say I brighten your day
when you see my letters
You never answer my questions
I think it makes you feel better
You're my love from russia
like a cat I would brush ya
We could cuddle up on the couch
and drift away

I'm fallin for you girl
I'm falling for you
Just like you told me how you fell
when you broke your effin' shoe
I'm fallin for you girl
I'm falling for you
Just like you told me
when you broke your effin' shoe

When you broke your effin shoe
I can't imagine how it felt
When you broke it
When you broke it
That story broke my heart
I never want to see you go through pain
I only want to see the sunshine
not the rain
not the rain
yeah..... not the rain.

Alla

I can't believe how long I've known you
I hope this song will do the job and show you
Just the thought will make me stop and shutter
I can't forget to mention Peanut Butter

Alla
Alla
Allong will this go on
Allong will this go on

How long will this go on
How long will this go on
This is the end of my song
How long will this go on.
-------

Let me know what you think of the tune.  It's out of tune, horribly mixed, the lyrics are ridiculous, way too repetitive and I threw it together in about 20 minutes.  Actually - I think it's a perfect fit for Alla.  :)